Life Lessons

Some people gave me some advice. Thought I’d share.

Here are the lessons I’ve compiled along my way that have helped me be a better version of myself, live a more enjoyable life, and love others better.

Loving God is first loving yourself. Loving yourself best teaches you how to love others.
Don’t take life too seriously. You have way less control than you think.
Be the person you want to be. Don’t be the person you think others want you to be.
Listen more. Reflect more. Speak less.
Fail early, fail often, fail hard. Then get back up and try again.
Surround yourself with people that challenge you at your peaks, and lift you up at your troughs.
The greatest act of love you can make towards someone is to simply spend time with them.
You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You are already a mighty warrior. Go out and fight the good fight.
Try to make every interaction non-transactional.
Today’s successes and consequences are products of yesterday’s decisions. Give your past self some grace and commit to making tomorrow better.
“Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” –C.S. Lewis
There probably will never be a better time to do what you want to do than right now.
Listen to your body, it knows better than you. Strive to create healthy rhythms that put you in sync with your body.
Try to pray and meditate every day. We all need a daily reset.
Don’t take things too personally. Most of the time, people project their insecurities onto you rather than noticing yours.
When you’re unsure about what other people are thinking, ask them. We’re pretty awful at reading minds.
Think more before you speak. How you say it matters.
People tend to treat you how you treat yourself. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
Diversify your settings, experiences, and relationships.
Comparison creates conformity. We all come from different paths and are on different journeys. Explore and find your own.
Luck ebbs and flows. Patiently make the most out of the opportunities when they present themselves.
Slow down; you’ll be more creative.
Circumstances are far more important than compatibility. Cultivate good relationships when the opportunities present themselves.
Everyone has something to teach you. Ask them about their story.
Travel and explore when you’re young. Experience is the greatest teacher.
Practice gratitude. Often.
Cry with those who are crying. Celebrate with those who are celebrating.
Look for mentors, and look to mentor.
Take pride in what you do. Don’t be prideful in what you have been given.
Prevention is the best damage control.
Do your best and leave the rest.
The strongest cure to shame is honesty. Be honest to yourself and be honest to others.
Surround yourself with people that make arts and crafts out of your trash.
Balance activity and rest, stimulation and reflection, consumption and digestion.
Hang out with old people. Adventure with young people.
Try to be more vulnerable with others, they are scared too.
Women, on average, are more emotionally intelligent. Listen to their wisdom.
It is what it is. Sometimes it be what it do. How you process it matters.
Every perpetrator was once a victim.
Try to see things from other people’s perspective. It always makes sense from their point of view.
The root of all insecurity is a fear of being unloved.
We all live 2 lives. The second begins when we realize we only have 1.
Hard work takes practice, and it needs time.
No one needs a savior. Everyone needs a friend.
The credit goes to the man in the arena. Be less impressed, more involved.
Give people a little more grace, they are trying their best.
Just do it. And then think about how it can be done better next time.
The good times can’t happen without the bad. Valleys are prettier than plateaus.
The greatest thing about life is the opportunity to live it.
People are complex. Don’t oversimplify them.
Privilege should serve to motivate, not placate.
Surround yourself with people where you can truly be yourself. Find people you can be emotionally naked and comfortable with.
Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
If you’re going to do it, don’t half ass it.
Striving for peace at all times is the essence of maturity.
Learn another language. There is no better way to connect with other cultures.
Everything is a lot easier than you think. Break it down and put one foot in front of the other. Ask someone to get you started.
Life is measured in memories. Try and cultivate new ones while cherishing and fostering growth in old ones.
When you want something from someone, ask for it, you’d be surprised how giving other people are.
What’s the difference between gossip and flattery: flattery is what people will say TO you but never about you; gossip is what people will say ABOUT you but never to you.
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
We can shape what makes us feel good and what doesn’t – find robust sources of happiness (human connection) and develop a posture of yearning and desire for that, and “doing what you love” will become a lot easier and more sensical.
Graduation speeches from Kenyon College 2005, Stanford 2005, HLS 2023, and Harvard. Best graduation speeches.
When you make a decision, commit to it, don’t vacillate. You have to fully commit to it with full force and conviction, then you can properly evaluate whether it was good or not. Any hesitation after a decision is made leaves you in no man’s land.
When something pops into your head get it done or write it down. It’s unrealistic to remember everything.
Be present in everything you do. Set your life up so that no time is being spent doing things that are not rewarding. Spend time reflecting to determine what is worth spending time in and what is not. Track time spent if needed. Life is too beautiful to spend it doing things that are not fulfilling.
Reject the world and others’ opinions of you. Cultivate a sense of preferences, identity, and fundamental values from how you feel from experiences – give long term feelings more weight and stress rest feelings rather than short spikes of dopamine. After a good sense of self is cultivated, then being open to process outside feedback is extremely useful to gauge how we are performing relative to the person we want to be.
An important extension of the previous lesson (reject others’ thoughts until you know yourself) is to constantly check in with yourself (fight back against identity foreclosure) – use reflection and deep meditation in tandem with external feedback to assess how we are doing relative to who we want to be and where we want to go.
In trying to decide how to spend one’s time based on the person they want to be, it is useful to elect activities that make you feel how you want to feel, that is in line with your underlying values, and pushes you to be the person that you want to be in the future: why you do something and the impact that it has on you is far more important than what exactly you are doing. (Maya Shankar)
It is very useful from a motivational standpoint to give yourself agency in decision making and in life goals – especially in the context of others helping you along, find ways to give yourself agency and a say in the decisions to give yourself a sense of accomplishment along the way.
Empathy is a powerful way to connect and love people. Cognitive can be more sustainable than emotional (feel what they feel) or empassioned (desire to help). It’s the ability to understand what others are going through and support them effectively in the way they need it (offer comfort, support, action, advice).
Be flexible in your comprehension of things. Seek curiosity and wonder rather than cognitive closure.
Create goals and ambitions of approach (growth-based) rather than avoidance (fear-based).
Frequently check in with yourself: Are you doing what makes you feel good? Why are you doing what you are doing? Can you do it better?
It’s very important to have your mind, body, and soul needs fulfilled. Ask frequently: are my needs being met? (What are my needs?) How can I fulfill my needs that are not being met? (Why are my needs not being met?)
Long term rhythms are just as important as short term rhythms – make sure that balance is achieved in the long term as well (trips, intense mental and physical activity, rest, seeing new things, reflecting, loving, being loved, mentoring, being mentored).
Ask for people’s contact – stay in touch.
Take yourself on a date at least once a month. Do something you want when no one else is doing it – personal activity in solace.
Have frequent contentment checks: am I content right now? Can I find peace? If not, why not?
Don’t be afraid to do embarrassing things – it usually reveals some underlying shame that is so liberating when shed. Don’t be afraid to do things that people laugh at you for if it makes you feel good – rewrite whatever narrative the world feeds you and shape your experiences in life to what is uplifting and edifying to you!
We all need DISCIPLINE: Aligning what we want with what we need. Takes time and can be initially uncomfortable to forego the short and superficial dopamine hits to wait for the more robust and edifying release of dopamine – slow and steady aligning what you want and what feels good to what is good for you in the long run.
A great way to have meaningful, non-transactional interactions: be present with people and don’t shy away from the awkwardness, find comfort and composure in the awkwardness and make people feel comfortable being around you. Give them a smile and some words of encouragement and meet them where they are at. Don’t shy away from the interaction and be patient with it – know when it’s time to move on as well.
What happens after we die is a meaningless question for the living. The best we can do is to live the most fulfilling life on Earth: a life like Jesus is as fulfilling as it gets.
Wherever there is luxury, there is inequality. Societal discomfort forges community, which builds resilience, happiness, and passion. Inequality builds bitterness and breaks down motivation – nothing more powerful than the collective human experience.
Embrace uncertainty: it helps accept reality and allows for effective solutions.
Keep a dream journal: form of reflections, meditations, and access into the subconscious. “The unconscious mind is trying to teach us things, in the way that we understand best.”
Always travel at the off-season whenever possible. Shoulder season is next best thing. Nature is best experienced without tourists.
Stop treating life like it’s a fair race. Be generous in charity and give everyone a little more grace.
Responding is better than reacting. Respond by pausing, processing, planning, proceeding. Be both rugged and flexible in response. Don’t let your identity be defined by the circumstance.
Celebrate people’s quirks, it’s what makes them human. Loving people for their quirks and shortcomings is the greatest way to make them feel comfortable around you.
“The secret is not to find the meaning of life, but to use your life to make things that are meaningful.” –James Clear
“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.” –Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Don’t confuse liking someone with wanting them to like you.
Is the situation actually complicated or is it really quite straightforward, but you’re making it complicated because it requires a lot of courage to make the straightforward decision? –James Clear
Remember TTT – Things Take Time. –Piet Hein
“How to connect with others: Share with someone who wants to listen or listen to someone who wants to share.” –James Clear
“The producer of old age is habit: the deathly process of doing the same thing in the same way at the same hour day after day, first from carelessness, then from inclination, at last from cowardice or inertia. Habit is necessary; but it is the habit of having careless habits, of turning a trail into a rut, that must be incessantly fought against if one is to remain alive… one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.” –Edith Wharton
Life rewards those with courage over ability.
Broad tunnel, tight filter. When approaching any challenging and open ended task, gather as much information as possible and then distill the importance for maximum effectiveness.
Ask those who are ahead of you in the field about their habits, daily practices, and priorities (short and long term).
Always start humble and get confident when courage requires it.
“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” –Albert Camus
“Make a mistake? Release the guilt, remember the lesson.” –JC
“Surround yourself with people who have the same goals as you. Rise together.” –JC
The true treasure in life is the peace and contentment coming from the love you receive and have the opportunity to give; everything else is just the dressing.
One relationship in which you are genuinely seen is worth a thousand ones in which you are rejected. It’s always worth it to be your true yourself.
Be grateful for the moments of youth and build passion for the moments of old age.
You alone are insufficient, so you have nothing to lose. Feel free to choose how you want to spend your time, but give 100% in everything you choose.
All life is sacred. It’s worth the extra effort to build harmony.
If you get tired, learn to rest not quit.
“Do bold things with a pleasant and friendly demeanor.” –JC
Don’t let someone’s appearance or reputation get in the way of getting to know their humanity.
With multivariate problems, adopt a statistical rather than deterministic approach. It helps to build a toy model and complexify upon iteration.
In mentorship: suggest to young people a slightly more ambitious viable path forward, and equip them with what they need to get started.
“When you’re on the field, play as if nothing else matters. When you’re off the field, remember that the game doesn’t matter at all.” –JC
“All sins are attempts to fill voids.” –Simone Weil
Our own experience is our greatest asset in understanding the world around us.
“Health and salvation can be found only in motion…” –Soren Kierkegaard
Optimists take more risks, and are more likely to be in motion – it pays to be optimistic and try anyway – the alternative is the status quo.
Your 20s are for building yourself up, plan to realize the potential of the build in your 30s and 40s.
“People pay to see others believe in themselves.” –Kim Gordon
Mark of someone that truly loves you: They disagree with your decision but still support and trust you in it.
Success follows generosity. –JC
If you dig a hole and it’s in the wrong place, digging it deeper isn’t going to help. –Seymour Chwast
“Bread gained by deceit is sweet to man, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel.” –Proverbs 20:17-18
Frequency is the key to consistency, which is the key to monumental progress.
TTT – Things Take Time – SO GIVE YOURSELF TIME.
A calm spirit forges peace.
Redemption begins with grace.
“Sometimes fear does not subside and one must choose to do it afraid.” –Elisabeth Elliot
“Forever is composed of nows.” –Emily Dickinson
True greatness lies in the lasting personal impact on others.
Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.
What if you played the game like you were always on offense? –JC
“Be humble after but not during the action.” –Ernest Hemingway
The greatest things in life are experienced in motion – resist the inertia to slow momentum.
“The test of beauty is not that it is perfect, but that it always attracts.” –Alice Wellington Rollins
Ask yourself this every 4 months (or whatever cadence your life naturally cycles): Which habits have become more important and you need to double down on? Which habits are no longer serving you and need to be replaced?
“For everyone who exalts themselves will be humbled and everyone who humbles themselves will be exalted.” –Luke 14:11
Pay attention to how you have changed over time. What can you do to promote the change you want to see in yourself going forward?
In every moment, you are one good choice away from a meaningfully better life.
“Savor the little victories as much as you criticize the little mistakes.” –JC
True greatness is reflected in the willingness to humble oneself and serve others, especially from a position of power. (Luke 22:27)
Ability is not innate, but rather a product of practice, effort, and privilege. Although, you can maximize your privilege with effort.
You can’t change the wind but you can adjust the sails. (It’s not about what life throws at you but how you react.)
Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out. –Randy Pausch
If you don’t know how it works but you do well, it’s just luck, but if you keep trying your luck, you’ll eventually see how it works, and you won’t need luck to do well.
“People are always looking for the single magic bullet that will completely change everything. There is no single magic bullet. Progress is about bridging the gap between what we observe and what we can imagine – one careful step at a time.” –Temple Grandin
Le bien fait, ne jamais perdu. –Monsieur Lambert Yao
With patience and experience, even the most uncomfortable settings become seamless.
“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow – when there’s that moment of, ‘Wow, I’m really not sure I can do this,’ and you push through.” –Marissa Mayer
The overwhelming feeling of wonder you experience as a kid should not be infrequent as an adult.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” –Marie Curie
You can’t rush when creating quality.
Try and accomplish your goals with full effort, full passion, and full composure. The optimization of balance is key. (Effort + Reflection)
Every successful relationship requires both mutual and individual growth.
“The greatest danger to our future is apathy. We can’t all save the world in a dramatic way, but we can each make our small difference, and together those small differences add up. Every single person makes an impact on the planet every single day. The question is: What kind of impact do you want to make?” –Jane Goodall
“To hold our tongues when everyone is gossiping, to smile without hostility at people and institutions, to compensate for the shortage of love in the world with more love in small, private matters; to be more faithful in our work, to show greater patience, to forgo the cheap revenge obtainable from mockery and criticism: all these are things we can do.” –Hermann Hesse
“I’m not getting a PhD in experimental physics, I’m getting a PhD in figuring shit out.” –Jackson Butler
“Spend a handful of hours a day going fast. Crush a gym session. Do deep work on a project you care about. Spend the rest of the day going slow. Take walks. Read books. Get a long dinner with friends. Either way, avoid the anxious middle where you never truly relax or truly move forward.” –Charles Miller
The most rewarding experiences in life take time to build to. That’s why good things come to those who wait.
“The way to help someone is not to critique what makes them smaller, but to encourage what makes them larger.” –JC
We should aim to be most famous among those who may not know our names, but know our embrace.
“Remain playful as your responsibilities increase. It’s easy to become serious when people and results depend on you, but nearly everyone’s performance improves when they proceed lightly through the world.” –JC
Timing is everything. The consistent ability to time it perfectly comes from preparation.
“I can only make sense of my unaccountable good fortune by assuming that it means I am under special obligation to make good use of it.” –Marilynne Robinson
“…looking at the work done and the work still to do, most people would have written the whole thing off as too much sweat for too little gain. But I didn’t want an easy life. I wanted a beautiful one.” –Ben Short
“Fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm fearsome, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. They leave that wisdom to those to whom it appeals. When the storm comes – when night falls – what’s worse: the danger or the fear of danger? Give me reality, the danger itself.” –Van Gogh
“Look at all the good around you. Of all the lives you could have lived, how wonderful and special is it that you get to live this one?” –JC
“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” –Jiddu Krishnamurti
“The sword glitters not because the swordsman set out to make it glitter but because he is fighting for his life and therefore moving it very quickly.” –C.S. Lewis
People appreciate your gifts more when they see you are comfortable showing your flaws.
“The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.” –Michel de Montaigne
Complacency and conformity lies in the bulk, along with everything and everyone else; Excellence lies on the edges.
To accomplish anything extraordinary, one has to fully lock in, but you can only lock in for as long as your bandwidth allows; Maximize your bandwidth in the rest of your time.
“Comparison is the thief of joy when applied broadly, but the teacher of skills when applied narrowly.” –JC
“Maybe in some sense, the kindest thing that all of us can do is to pursue something radically that in some way is in service to others, because you just don’t know how it’s going to change the trajectory of human life.” –Rick Buhrman
“Cynicism is not a neutral position – and although it asks almost nothing of us, it is highly infectious and unbelievably destructive. In my view, it is the most common and easy of evils… Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position either. It is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like… keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so.” –Nick Cave
“Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you.” –St. Augustine
“Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all life really means.” –Robert Louis Stevenson
“I slept, and dreamed that life was joy; I woke, and found that life was service; I acted and behold, service was joy.” –Ellen Sturgis Hooper
The human biology follows a very natural arc. Begin with a balanced investment in self and slowly transition to a balanced investment in others as you age. You will find yourself naturally transitioning during each era of life anyway.
Who you spend life with matters. Ironically, you get better at choosing the older you get, as your number of choices reduce. Choose wisely.
The whole point of life is not to live the most legendary, happy, or satisfying life you can live, but rather to live the most enjoyable day each day. We are guaranteed nothing in life other than the day that we live; we might as well make the most of it. It is better to live without expectations, and focus on taking in the momentary joy that true love brings in life.
“The only reason for time is so that everything does not happen all at once.” –Albert Einstein
We should more often look for reasons to say yes and only say no when we have to.
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” –Dale Carnegie
“Home is where the mom is.” –Hamilton Forsythe
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” –John Steinbeck
There is a special kind of courage reserved for those who wander into uncharted territory.
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” –Epictetus
“Inspiration is a guest that does not willingly visit the lazy.” –Pyotr Tchaikovsky
Observation precedes understanding, which precedes healing, which precedes growth.
Jesus loved the shame off of people. We should aim to do the same.
“He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
God freed us so that we can enjoy our freedom. Seize the day. (Inspired by Galatians 5)
“Do not merely think that you are going to become great; think that you are great now. Do not think that you will begin to act in a great way at some future time; begin now. Do not think that you will act in a great way when you reach a different environment; act in a great way where you are now. Do not think that you will begin to act in a great way when you begin to deal with great things; begin to deal in a great way with small things.” –Wallace Wattles
“It’s sometimes better to stay silent and have people think you’re dumb than to speak up and remove all doubt.” –Anders Pearson
The 2 keys to a beautiful relationship: commitment and self love.
“Decide the type of person you want to be. Prove it to yourself with small wins.” –JC
“If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them.” –C.S. Lewis
“A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.” –G.K. Chesterton
Above all, we should strive to know what is truly good for us, and courageous enough to make that our reality.
“Life is not a waste of time, and time is not a waste of life, so let’s not waste time, get wasted, and have the time of our lives.” –Pitbull, recited by Krishy
“To enjoy life, the adventurous state of mind must be grasped and maintained. The essential feature of adventure is that it is a going forward into unknown territory.” –Agnes Martin
“Mas quiero la muerte dando dos pasos adelante que vivir cien anos dando uno solo hacia atras.” –estatua en Cordoba
One must choose the right direction before picking up the pace towards the target. Select, then cultivate.
“Speed creates opportunity, patience compounds it.” –JC
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” –William Shakespeare
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s learning to dance in the rain.” –Vivian Greene
“The life of a Christian should be a celebratory life.” –Alvin Love III

Timothy Zaklama